can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize