Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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