Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
accomplished twins. life is a go
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
