turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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