what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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