I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
