I never want to see another naked old woman again.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
