We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
