if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
time to smoke my breakfast
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You may now shotgun with the bride
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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