I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
