and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
