Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize