Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Randomize
