cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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