Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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