I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
and you fell through a lawn chair
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
