Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
