Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He passed out mid-signature
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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