Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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