Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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