apparently the secret to your success is patron
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
