And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize