i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize