I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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