i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Randomize