Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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