dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
