Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
