Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
