I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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