everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
