I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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