my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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