Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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