I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
