I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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