I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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