I have demons in me.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
