He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize