wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
