some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
