i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
