Her vagina should come with caution tape.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
