I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
