So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize