Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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