i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
