so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
