Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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