3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize