i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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