the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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