You're completely useless in the revolution.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
