yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
