OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
i think i just lost a toe
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
