I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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