ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
