this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize