This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize