My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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