I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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