she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
In other news, I just burned my penis
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
