I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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