If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
