This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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